Reasonings

A question I get quite a lot from my less-informed friends- and there are several of those, sadly- is "Why did you break up with him if he was so sweet and nice and you liked him?"
Well it is not that I broke up with him because I did not like him or care about him or because he was not a Godly young man. It was because, even though he possessed qualities I admired and look for in a potential marriage partner, he was also lacking in some very important areas too. He was emotionally unstable (And do not get me wrong, I too am emotionally unstable at times- well, most times, anyways- but since we were both unstable we would have both ended up in therapy by the end), he was using me as the motivation to get a job and go to college, and he was just not ready to grow up yet. And quite frankly, I was.

The more I seemed to make progress the more clingy and needy he became, and wanted to always spend time with me, and could not understand why I could not spend more time with him than I already was because I was busy with the other four priorities in my life. And you have to understand I was trying to balance them all equally (Well except for priority number one, because God deserves to be in every area of my life more so than any of my other priorities), so I spent daily time with God, Daily obviously with my family, and if they had an emergency come up I would cancel other plans to be with them. School and work obviously also came daily, and my friends I would see at most Monday, Wednesday, and Sunday. My Ex I would see Tuesday, every other Thursday, and Sunday, sometimes the odd Friday even. So he did in effect get to see me more than my friends, it just seems it was not enough since on those times he also had to share me with our bible study group, our worship band, and my friends on Sunday. And the more clingy he became the less I wanted to be around him, and the more claustrophobic I seemed to get.

So I did a lot of praying and asking God what He wanted me to do. And the more I did the more the "break-up" option whizzed around my head. I did not want to have to break up- I did not want it to seem like the first big problem we came to I turned tail and went running. But I also did not want to have to deal with the same problem over and over again in the future. And then i started reading these books. Completely non-related books to breaking up or things like that. And there was one line from this book that told me what I needed to hear- "If God has truly meant for you to be together, it doesn't matter if you go to the moon, you will end up together." And so that is what I am hanging my hat on, so to speak. If God's plan is for us to be together, in five/six years we will be together (Or whenever it is God has planned us to be together!)

So I'm not going to worry about it, I'm going to have peace. Isaiah 26:3 says "You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who are firm in their beliefs and trust in you" (that might be a bit paraphrased, so I would look it up if you want the actual translation)

The Lord bless you and keep you, may the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you, both now and forever more! Amen.

~Kai Rennegade