Home Grown Therapy 6/29/10

Well! After several weeks of procrastination and trials, I bring you number 7 of the Home-Grown Therapy list! If you remember, number 10 was "Violent Video Games", number 9 was "Kneading Play-Doh", number 8 was "Bubble Baths" and now it comes to number 7 which is:

Crying

Having recently just experienced the effects of just crying out your stress and troubles, I can say with clarity that I know this works! I am not talking about just crying until your head hurts- I'm talking about crying until your head is finally clear of whatever was on your mind! Letting the tears come until you do not remember what you were crying about and you do not even care anymore! If you do not believe me then just know that I myself have done this just last week, and let me tell you I did not feel right all week until I had fully cried it all out.

So hopefully next week I will have another Home-Grown Therapy for you all! Thank you for reading!

~Kai Rennegade

Depression

Well, the week after VBS (That would be just on Monday) my boss told me that she had to start cutting positions back and that mine was the only one that could be cut. So now I only work two days a week, Tuesday for 31/2 hours, and Thursday for 2 hours. That is about 80 dollars every paycheck. I get paid every two weeks.

Needless to say I am thoroughly depressed. Everything I do/say/look at reminds me of how helpless I am and how broke I will be if I do not get another job. Which is what i am working on now. Job hunting has always been discouraging for me because no one seems to want to hire me, and the jobs I have held before are only because I knew people who could get me an automatic "in" if you will.

I am so discouraged. And I am unmotivated to do well in my current job because my hours were just cut and I do not feel appreciated. I cried Monday, and I cried Tuesday, I wanted to cry all Wednesday, and I cried today. I sense that I am still not done crying over this, so I will probably cry some more about it for the rest of the week.

Although a friend of mine invited me to go on a road-trip this weekend. I do not know if I will go because my mother's garage sale is Saturday morning and I wanted to help her with that, and some other friends are supposed to stop by visit that day during the garage sale. But I need a weekend away where I do not have to worry about things like finances and job hunting and etc and where I can just hang out with my friends. I do not know what to do.

Tonight is my night to lead worship. But I handed the responsibility off to someone else because my heart is finding it hard to sing praises when it is hard to even smile sometimes. I know my situation could be worse, much worse really. But it is really hard to look on the bright side of things. I will continue praying that I can once again see the good and not just the dank. Please pray for me too!

~Kai Rennegade

Work, VBS, and Computer Purcahses

Well, it has been quite a few days since I posted anything- even a simple thing like a Saturday Survey, Weekly Weekend Woes/w00ts, or Home-Grown Therapy! So I suppose it is time to catch you up on the events of my life!

So this week has been VBS (Vacation bible School) week, and my friend and I are the Childcare Coordinators, it is probably the easiest job in the whole program because all we have to to is tell the sitters what rooms they need to be in and then we need to check on them once in a while and then give them snack and the rest of the time we just hang out with each other! So that is every night! I get to church at around 4:45 for dinner (they feed the volunteers!), then I sit with a couple of my "adult friends" and chat with them and their kids while I eat and then I check on the sitters and then run to the puppet stage to set up for our show. After our five minute show I head back to the childcare area and do what I described to you as my job!

This week I am still sticking to my regular schedule too! On Monday I still went to my Mentor's house four "our day", and tomorrow I am still going to bible study, I am still working every day this week like normal!

So today I made three major purchases for my computer! I bought an HP 20" LED flat screen monitor, a web cam, and speakers! I now have a pretty sweet set up in my room with all this stuff! (Well I am still trying out the set up, I have yet to decide if I like it or not! I still like to be able to sit in an actual chair when I am on the computer!) I am very excited about these purchases, they are all so far working very well and running smoothly and like they are supposed to!

Well, it is getting late so I am going to log off my computer and go to bed so I can go to bible study tomorrow! Hope to blog again soon!

~Kai Rennegade

Sonograms, Naps, and Good Times

So Wednesday I went to my Mentor's sonogram and got to see her baby in its early stages of development (She is only a couple months along, so her baby is just a blob- but a lovable one with hands and feet and a heartbeat that literally goes "wubwubwubwub"!) and I have to tell you it was awesome! A life, with a soul and a mind and a beating heart is growing inside my best friend, and God is putting that life together!

What is also exciting is that the nurse printed me out a picture of the baby- a picture just for me! And I wrote a verse on the back of the picture and stuck it in my prayer journal so that I can always pray for this little life! The verse is Psalm 127:3- "Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him."

I hope that I can be involved in this little life, and that I can watch it grow into something even more beautiful (If that is even humanly possible) than it is now! I am so very excited about all this birthing business! I have been very obnoxiously happy because of it, and I know my sisters are starting to wonder if I will ever come down off this high. but I do not want to- it is the best thing I think that has ever happened to me and I would like to keep it thank you very much!

Anyways, after the sonogram my mentor treated me to Smoothie King and we all had lunch at her house then she put her youngest down for a nap and popped in a movie for her oldest and I hit the couch and was out,and I think she at least had a time to vegetate on her reclining chair! and after our (or my) nap she checked her facebook while I chatted at her in spurts and her oldest played in her room.

Today my Mentor came over with her kids and I showed her my baby (My new computer of course!) I have seen my mentor every day of the week now. Monday after work for our day, Tuesday night for a Scentsy party, Wednesday for her sonogram, Thursday for biblestudy, Today for just random *laughs*! I might see her tomorrow when I go to draw caricatures for a friend at the credit union he works for! Who knows! Anyways, I can barely see strait, so I think I will call it a night and go to bed!

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep. And should I die before I wake I pray the Lord my soul to take!

Amen

~Kai Rennegade

Weekly Weekend W00ts 6/8/10

Well, I cannot very well call this a weekend of woes as I really had next to none! Seriously! So this shall be my weekend w00ts, starting with Friday!

Friday:

had a good time at work, got everything done on time- the dishes, the lunch, the lunch dishes, got to eat lunch myself, then went to give a teacher her break! Went home and then took my siblings to the pool where we met up with our friends and swam for about an hour and a half and then I bought them chinese on the way home. I got to spend the rest of the evening with my mother, and then facebooked until about ten when I went to sleep.

Saturday:

I woke up at five minutes to eight thirty, and got ready for the puppet meeting. I had a much better attitude that before, we got through our practice, with only one propateer who felt singled out (And that is because my Youngest Sibling is new to leadership and does not know how to lead without yelling and being bossy.). After puppet practice we had a car wash and then a slip and slide after that. I went home with a friend and my sisters went home by themselves. I babysat- while a tornado watch was in effect- and then was picked up by same friend and spent the night at her house watching Glee season one.

Sunday:

Woke up to a text message alert, it was a friend cancelling on me. I had to have sitters for a VBS meeting, and I had four- including myself- to watch 30+ kids at that time. I flipped out, and got on facebook (Normal routines calm me down when I flip out) and I opened my fortune cookie on facebook. It said- "Don't Panic". I prayed God would give me peace and that he would provide the right amount of sitters for me. I went to church, met up with my adult friends as I searched for sitters and got into service. the message was good- it was on oaths and swearing, like "I swear by" etc etc, not like using curse words and things. (Although a talk on that would be good about now, my potty mouth has flared up again! ) After church I went out to the childcare area and found I had not four sitters but twelve! Babysitting went smoothly with the exception of one incident where a kid's head bled, but no one panicked and all was well! After babysitting took two sitters home and went to my Mentor's to mow her lawn while she was out of town, sisters took off and my Mentor's sister took me home- we had a nice talk in her car on the way, and we both shared a little more of our dirty pasts with each other, so in a way it was a bonding moment (I am quite cheesy that way, you know?)- and I spent the rest of the day vegetating in my room on my computer. I went to bed at 7PM, woke at 8PM with a massive headache and a panicky feeling as I thought I had overslept. Checked the time, took a pain killer, and went back to sleep.

That was my weekend! See you next time!

God, thank you for an amazing weekend, and for the experience of your provision in a time of crisis! Please bless the week ahead, and keep your children safe! Thank you for your love and your promises- without them we would be sunk! I thank you for being my Abba, Father! In Christ's name- Amen!

~Kai Rennegade

Saturday Survey 6/5/10

Ahh the Saturday Survey! I found this on on Quizopolis.com, and if you would like to take it I left the ad at the bottom! Enjoy the survey and enjoy your weekend!

100 Fun Questions Survey from Quizopolis.com

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? - I can sleep with them open, but prefer to keep them closed due to childhood nightmares.

Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? - In fact I do- I paid for them did I not?

Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? - Out, I like to be able to stick my leg out to keep an ideal temperature

Have you ever stolen a street sign before? - No I have not.

Do you like to use post-it notes? - Yes, I do- they are very handy for leaving notes to my parents or siblings

Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? - Yes quite frequently- which might be a good things since they are all fast food coupons!

Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? - A swarm of bees, as I know how to get away from them- which is to submerge myself in water, whereas a bear would follow me till I dropped!

Do you have freckles? - Yes, in awkward places like on my arm or leg. And not a huge cluster of them, single ones.

Do you always smile for pictures? - No, sometimes I make funny faces!

What is your biggest pet peeve? - Hearing people pass judgment on somebody. it is not right to judge a person unless you have walked a mile in his shoes!

Do you ever count your steps when you walk? - Sometimes, if I am bored.

Have you ever peed in the woods? - Yes, it is sadly the only place to go when you are camping!

What about pooped in the woods? - No, I would actually allow myself to be constipated than do that.

Do you ever dance even if theres no music playing? - Why yes =), i do liek to dance to the music in my head sometimes!

Do you chew your pens and pencils? - No, I actually stick them up my nose.

How many people have you slept with this week? - None because I do not believe in having premarital sex.

What size is your bed? - It is actually a twin that I have had since I could sleep in a bed!

What is your Song of the week? - Hm, that is a tough one, I would have to say it is Your Hands by JJ Heller (Or is it JJ Keller?)

Is it okay for guys to wear pink? - If they are comfortable enough with themselves to wear pink. I personally do not think it looks good on some guys.

Do you still watch cartoons? - yes, just less frequently now!

Whats your least favorite movie? - The Lord of the Rings Trilogy.

Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? - In my back yard!

What do you drink with dinner? - Water or a carbonated beverage (like Soda) if we have any.

What do you dip a chicken nugget in? - Ketchup or Ranch, depending on my mood!

What is your favorite food? - Fettuccine Alfredo with chicken and broccoli!

What movies could you watch over and over and still love? - The Incredibles, Walle, Nemo, Howl\'s Moving Castle, Spirited Away, and Kiki's Delivery Service!

Last person you kissed/kissed you? - I kissed my Middle Sibling on the cheek

Were you ever a boy/girl scout? - Yes in fact I was a girl scout but had to quit after my bridging ceremony because I did not have the money to participate in clubs.

Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? - No. I have standards unlike the rest of the world.

When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? - Hm, quite a while, but you reminded my that I have to write a reply letter!

Can you change the oil on a car? - Yes I can, I just choose to make others do it for me.

Ever gotten a speeding ticket? - No I have not *knocks on wood*

Ran out of gas? - No

Favorite kind of sandwich? - the Turky Tom, no tomato from JimmyJohns!

Best thing to eat for breakfast? - Leftovers from last night (My famous leftover bowl is delicious the day after Thanksgiving!)

What is your usual bedtime? - 11:30 max, but it has been much later these days!

Are you lazy? - Oh yes, I am terribly lazy!

When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? - John the Baptist one year, Corrie Ten Boom another, and A Scarecrow once!

What is your Chinese astrological sign? - I am the year of the Ram, or sheep.

How many languages can you speak? - English fluently, Spanish very VERY haltingly, and Al-Bhed if I am reading it

Do you have any magazine subscriptions? - Just to LEGO Club Magazine.

Which are better legos or lincoln logs? - LEGOS obviously.

Are you stubborn? - I can be when I want to be. Sometimes though, I realize that it is best to be submissive.

Who is better...Leno or Letterman? - Neither, nighttime television is mostly trash these days.

Ever watch soap operas? - No, I try not to.

Afraid of heights? - Yes, but not enough to make me hyperventilate

Sing in the car? - Of course ;)

Dance in the shower? - Yes, although I do not recommend it as it is prone to cause slipping!

Dance in the car? - Yes, to the great apprehension of my siblings!

Ever used a gun? - Airsoft and paintball yes.

Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? - Hm, I do not know, last year I think, or this year if you count my friend doing my senior pictures!

Do you think musicals are cheesy? - Yes, but I live off of cheese!

Is Christmas stressful? - Hm... No.

Ever eat a pierogi? - A what now?

Favorite type of fruit pie? - Cherry Pie!

Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? - Inventor, Comic book artist

Do you believe in ghosts? - No I do not. It is all hokum.

Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? - Yes all the time!

Take a vitamin daily? - Nope

Wear slippers? - No, they make my feet sweat.

Wear a bath robe? - No, they make me feel like I am in a sauna.

What do you wear to bed? - Shorts and a t-shirt

First concert? - I do not remember... I think it was a Steve Green concert!

Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? - Wal-Mart

Nike or Adidas? - Neither. I like Payless.

Cheetos Or Fritos? - Cheetos.

Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? - Sunflower Seeds

Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? - No I have not.

Ever take dance lessons? - No

Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? - No, because I do not yet know who my future spouse is, and if I do then I just do not know which guy it is.

Can you curl your tongue? - Yes I can

Ever won a spelling bee? - Oh heavens, no!

Have you ever cried because you were so happy? - Yes I have- best feeling in the world!

Own any record albums? - I personally do not, but my parents do.

Own a record player? - My family used to.

Regularly burn incense? - Not regularly, only when it is cool enough to open my windows and be able to air the place out.

Ever been in love? - Hard to say.

Who would you like to see in concert? - Fireflight

What was the last concert you saw? - WinterJam 2010

Hot tea or cold tea? - Hot tea!

Tea or coffee? - Coffee

Sugar or snickerdoodles? - Sugar

Can you swim well? - I should hope so, I was on the swim team!

Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? - Yes, but it makes it easier to hold your nose too.

Are you patient? - Let me be the first to admit that my fuse is short!

DJ or band, at a wedding? - I personally think DJ

Ever won a contest? - No I do not think so...

Ever have plastic surgery? - Definitely not!

Which are better black or green olives? - Black

Can you knit or crochet? - No and my siblings can prove it to you.

Best room for a fireplace? - The living room

Do you want to get married? - Very much so!

If married, how long have you been married? - N/A

Who was your HS crush? - Oh, I dated him for awhile.

Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? - Only sometimes.

Do you have kids? - No, not yet.

Do you want kids? - Very VERY much so!

Whats your favorite color? - Blue- any shade

Do you miss anyone right now? - I actually miss my Mentor, she is out of town.

Did you watch, Next Great American Band on FOX? - Um... no.

Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com

http://www.quizopolis.com/survey/4769/100-Fun-Questions-Survey/

Installation Nation

Well for the past few days I have been slowly installing my computer games and ripping music to my library on my new computer. It probably would not be taking this long if I did not take facebook breaks, or have to go to work etc. But I think I like this slow steady pace better than a big "let us do this in one big long sitting" pace.

So Wednesday night I shared my testimony with our middle school youth group- the shortened version of course- and apparently a lot of people thought it was good. Not good like as in "cookie cutter" your'e a "goody-two-shoes" kind of good but good as in it got people to think about how their story could be the same as mine and how they could get help like I did. It feels good to share my story with people. It was hard, of course, but by the end I felt like this was something that I had to do, because I feel God wants me to!

I really hope that it helped someone. I hope someone walked away questioning whether their story would end up like mine or if they needed to change. And I hope I get more opportunities to share how god changed my life and is healing me of my past wounds and scars!

I feel so much like God is turning my life in the right direction and He is leading me by the hand in the way I should go! It is so awesome to feel like I do not have to worry about if I am going the right way or if I am going to make my destination! because God is in control and because I am letting him take the wheel I have a greater sense of ease that I am going to reach my goal and be able to hear "Well done, my good and faithful servant"!

It has occurred to me that I have not prayed on my blog in a while, and I think that I should remedy that immediately! Let me first leave you with a blessing, though!

May the Lord bless you and keep you. may the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you, and give you His peace both now and forever more- Amen!

Abba, Father- thank you for the beautiful works of your hand! Thank you for another week to live, thank you that your hand is over your children and protecting them in times of trouble! Watch over your children this weekend, let your love be felt by them, and let them all know that you are the cause of all things good! Wonderful Maker, call to our hearts, tug on them with your Word, let us be on fire for you in all that we do! I pray all these things in the name of Christ Jesus, my Savior! Amen!

~Kai Rennegade

Home-Grown Therapy 6/3/10

Hey again, it is time for this week's Home-Grown Therapy! Two weeks ago we covered number 10, violent video games, then last week number 9, kneading playdoh! And that brings us to number 8!

Hoo-Rah!

Anyways this week for Home-Grown Therapy is this- number 8. Bubble Baths

After a stressful day or week it is relaxing to recline in a nice warm bubble bath! Although not prudent for the summer time during the hot hours, if you take one late enough in the evening (When it is cooler, or if you have th AC on high) it will still be enjoyable while it loosens your muscles up!

Also, to make your bubble bath more enjoyable it is common to light candles and turn off the lights!maybe even have soft music (classical is a good suggestion) playing! However you take your bath, make sure to savor and enjoy it- it can relieve a lot of stress for you!

New Computer!

Well, here I am with exciting news! I bought a new computer! I am very excited about the whole thing, although I started a slight freak out when I discovered my dad was not home to install my accountability software onto my new computer. But this crisis will be averted! I have asked my youth pastor to help me out and my Mentor has said she will gladly receive the report emails!

What is "accountability software" you ask? Well basically it is a program the "records" everything I do on the internet and sends report emails to the email address of choice (Being my Mentor/accountability partner), before this my dad would get the emails because I shared our family laptop with, you guessed it, the family. But as this is my own computer and I could move out at any time I thought it would be prudent to have someone who I know will kick my butt to receive the emails. Not that my parents would not kick my butt if it needed major butt kicking...

Why do I need this software installed you may ask- well you remember reading my testimony, correct? I have had some bad addictions on the internet and this software, although it cannot do anything to block me from the sites I used to frequent, the fact that I know it is there and will send an email to my dad or accountability partner about where I was on my online session keeps me from going to those sites, and if I do then obviously I will bear a consequence that either my parents or Mentor will put on me. And I respect that authority, in fact I am glad it is over me in that way!

In other news, my new computer is very awesome and I love it! I still have yet to rip my entire music library to it and to install my games (As well as my accountability software) and then I will be good- well okay I also have to get programs like Microsoft Word and etc. I look forward to the long life of this computer!

Tomorrow is Home-Grown Therapy, so stay tuned and be expecting it! See you later!

~Kai Rennegade