Weekend Work

Well, my gosh! It feels like it has been an eternity since I last blogged! (Alright so about a week. But wow, that is still a long time!) My first week of school has been so awesome! I loved it! Although I must say it DID feel like a long week! Especially the weekend!

I just started working at Taco Bell, and Friday was my first day. I was scheduled to work from 6 to 10PM, until one of the guys popped his knee out of socket and had to leave early. So I was asked to stay until close. I did, and let me tell you- my first night of work was intensely, crazily, INSANELY busy! I am convinced that as soon as the lobby closed (It closes earlier than drive through) the Taco Bell that I know and love transformed into a nightmarish place called... Taco Hell-ell-ell-ell (Added echo for effect =D)!

Anyways, then again Saturday night I worked until close, and again on Sunday night! It was such a LONG weekend it felt like I had crammed a week's worth into it! And then tomorrow I am working till close again. Also, someone wants my number. HAHA! One of my co-workers has a brother who asked about me on my first day of work and then yesterday she came up to me and said that her brother wanted my number, but she wanted him to ask me himself. I laughed.

I mean it makes me feel good to know that someone asked for my number and is interested in me- especially since a lot lately I have been feeling that keen sense of "I miss having an SO" (Significant Other)- but it makes me laugh because the whole situation is just funny! Or maybe I should say it makes me feel so giddy that I laugh!

In other news- my Mentor totally made me a birthday dinner! It was such a cool surprise! I totally did not expect it! We had my favorite meal (Fettuccine Alfredo with chicken and broccoli), with brownies for desert, and she got me these two shirts that express my gaming side so perfectly! One is purple and says, "I Fight Like A GIRL" and has two female Nightelves (From World of Warcraft), and one is grey with a treasure chest on it that says, "Locked Chest, Requires Lockpicking 415."

I love my Mentor, I really do =)

Well I am going to hit the hay because I have some classes tomorrow and interning and then work 6-close! Later gator!

~Kai Rennegade

So, before I get to how my day at college was, I want to take a moment to direct your attention to this song that has been popping up. And I know it is really talking about a husband/wife relationship, but the more I look at it, the more I see the relationship I have with my Mentor. So here are the lyrics, I wan't you to really read them and maybe you can see how I feel?

God Gave Me You

I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
Watch as the storm goes through
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
*If* There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

There’s more here than what were seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
Ill be the flattered fool
and I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
*If* There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
*If* There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
Gave me you.

Yes, I realize that in more than a few verses it talks about how "Love has tethered" and blah blah, but let us take it out of context of what he is trying to say and fit it into the context of a mentor/mentoree, and the Christlike love that is shared between them and that fixes that. Ha. I win. (Okay so maybe a few of the verses I could not do that for.... But still. This is the song that reminds me of how much I admire and look up to my Mentor, especially since I don't have an SO!)

Anyways, my first day of college was really good! I have only really been looking at the positive of it all day, and only just now in my sleepy state have started remembering the few pitfalls. I got to the campus an hour early to find my classrooms for the day, found them with ease and was on time for both my classes, I met a Christian girl on my way out of campus who gave me a ride home and was super nice to me, and I finished my two homework assignments for Math 104 (Elementary to Intermediate Algebra). The only real downside was that I think I almost had a panic attack in my math class. My heard started to hurt and my breathing was off. I didn't feel safe is all I can really pin it down to. So tomorrow I have English 110 and Math 104 (I have that every. freaking. day.) and then I have some reading to do, and I have some interning to do.

I am excited about college, it is such a cool experience (Despite the almost panic attack)! And I know that God is always going to be with me throughout my entire journey, and beyond the walls of college! Thanks for reading, as always!

~Kai Rennegade

The Dawn of a New Adventure

At least, that is what I have been calling it... But I cannot really tell if I am more nervous or excited. Mostly because either emotion makes my stomach do flips! In any event... I am starting college tomorrow, and I feel completely and totally unprepared even though I have already spent much time preparing. I do not know how I am supposed to sleep tonight.

But I am not going to worry about it. Because I have given it to God. I did that today, you know- gave everything that I had been holding back to God. All of it. I decided that I should, because what good is it for me to hold on to all that useless stuff anyways? Just so I can have an illusion of control over some area of my life? I do not think so! So Yeah. And if ever anyone sees (hears, reads etc.) me trying to hold on to something that should be God's, then give me a sound smack, will you?

In other news, the last weekend of my summer vacation is coming to a close. And I could not think of a better way to spend it than I already have! Saturday night I babysat for my Mentor, and then spent the night in a tent with her eldest daughter. We had the little zip down "windows" open and I pointed out saying, "Look, there's the stars!" to which she replied with, "Oh! They're wishing stars!", this was cute so I prompted her to make a wish, but she insisted I go first, so I wished that someday my prince would come.

"Oh, I didn't know you wanted to be a princess!" was the reply to that wish that I got.

"Well sure," was all I could really say, then I told her it was her turn to make a wish, and the wish she made totally floored me (Except for I was already laying down, so I guess it is more acurate to say I almost bawled right then and there).

"Well... I wish... To be the best babysitter like you when I grow up!" I was choked up so I could barely tell her what a good wish it was and how I expected it would come true! It was the most precious thing I have ever heard! To think that some little girl wants to be like me? That is a concept I find truly hard to grasp. Part of me wants to say, "No kid, you don't wanna be like me. I'm messed up." But I know she does not see that part of me. She only sees the side of me that has been living in God's grace!

Oh wow... I cannot write anymore about it, because it is making me want to cry... although the other thing I wanted to blog about is equally tear-jerking (in my case, anyways). Today, I went to a goodbye party for my two friends who joined the service. Vash and Phillycheese. Vash especially is why I am getting so sad. He keeps updating his own blog the closer it gets to his leaving, and most of his posts are about how he's scared of changing, and how he does not want to pull away from his friends, but the closer he tries to pull them the farther away they seem to get. I just want to hug him and tell him that I am not pulling away, and that I am going to miss him so much! it really sucks, because I used to have this ginormous crush on him in 8th grade, and he was completely oblivious because he was quiet and shy at church. And then I went and dated his brother and so it would be awkward if I told him I still kind of crush on him from time to time!

Bah. Anyways, I played Letters from War for them at their party, of course it was not a very good version because I tabbed out the whole thing by ear, and then got so nervous when I went to play it for them I literally FORGOT how it started out. Ughhhh! But I am glad I got to go and celebrate them before they go!

By the way if you want to listen to Letters from War click here! It is an awesome song and I recommend giving it a listen, especially if you have someone you know in the service!

So yep, I am going to leave you here for the night, tomorrow is my first day at college! So I will see you later! Thanks for reading, as always!

~Kai Rennegade

The East and the West.

How far apart are they, really? No matter how far East you go, you will always be going East, and you will never reach the west. Conversely, no matter how far Wast you go, you will always be going West and never reach the East. So when I listen to this song I can just picture someone trying to find out how far the East is from the West and finding out that you would just keep going. So when I ask myself how far the East is from the West I know that it is infinite.

That encourages me and I hope it encourages you too! To think that God casts your sins as far as the East is from the West, and to know that that is infinitely farther away than ANYTHING we could ever measure! How amazing is that? Pretty darned amazing, if I do say so myself!

What makes me think about all this? Well yesterday I had a backslide- I gave in to some temptations that I am sure will never fully go away (They will probably lessen as I {hopefully}grow in maturity and in my faith with the Lord), and went pretty far before a network crash on my computer caused me to "wake up" and realize that I was being incredibly stupid. I twas 1:30 when I got to sleep. I slept through my alarm but was thankfully up in time to throw on some clothes and maybe only be a couple minutes late to bible study. Only to find out that my car would not start. By this time I started to feel paranoid and like I was being spiritually attacked. And then I realized this had been a feeling I had been having for a long time now.

I called my Mentor, because I HAD to be at bible study that morning or else I would probably just go back to my computer for the day, and she was able to secure me a ride to bible study. At study we talked about our spouses (oops, wait, I do not have one! So in my case we talked about how I can pray for my future spouse). After study I was dropped off at my Mentor's house where I practically made myself sick thinking about what I had to tell her, and when I finally did she had something along these lines to tell me (Keep in mind that I am heavily paraphrasing because my memory is pretty much shot):

I still love you. You know that I've been where you are, and that if I judged you for it I would have to judge myself. I won't even yell at you for this, although that doesn't mean I agree with your actions and choices. You're probably being harder on yourself than I could ever be, anyways.

And that is the thing that relieves me (That she still loves me, no matter what I tell her about my ugly side, and that she will not judge me for it either). I mean, knew she had told me that from the beginning, but my head can sometime be so full of Satan's lies that I take them for truth you know?

Anyways, I am so much better, now that I got everything off my chest before it could have blown up in my face! I definitely still have to do a lot of work to get back to where I was, and then even more so to get past where I was to where I need to be. So, no that I have thoroughly confused many of you (Or just the one person who reads my blog...) I must leave. Because I cannot pull another late night!

Please continue to pray for me, and I will continue to pray for my readers (Bet you did not know that I prayed for my readers, eh? Well I just started not too long ago...)

Thanks for reading!

~Kai Rennegade

Thirtieth Post!

Well huzzah, I have made it to my thirtieth blog post. This is perhaps the most consistent I have ever been with a blog! That makes this post one of the most monumental, one of the biggest markers, I have ever had (Blog wise). And to celebrate this occasion I have some big news:

I have a job.

!!! (I do not normally use punctuation to tell of my excitement, so that should be a clue as to how excited I am) This is such an amazing thing, I cannot even put into words how uber cool this is! I got my job this way; I walked into the Tacobell, thinking I would just pick up an application and then walk out, but one of the workers saw me with the application and asked if I needed a pen before I could get to the door. I told her that I already had a pen (Which I did, I always carry pens with me) and then, because she obviously expected me to fill the application out in the store, I sat down and filled it out (Conveniently I had all the information I needed to fill it out with me. In my bag of wonders.). After that I handed the application in, and the same employee told me to wait for a minute while she gave it to her manager. So I waited and she came back and handed me a test, told me to fill it out and then her manager would come out to interview me. So I went and filled out the test and handed that in and then was told to sit and wait. And so I was interviewed. I was told that my Social Security number would have to be called in to make sure that I hadn't worked for any Tacobells in the past and that I would be called within the next few days.

I went home and started playing League of Legends, thinking it really would be a couple days before I was called back again. Ten minutes into a game and my phone rings. I port my character to base (Where he can't be killed) and answer. Lo and behold, I got the job, and I go in on Thursday to fill out paperwork and pick up my uniform and etc.

So yes, I have a job now, praise God! I am so glad I had so many people holding me up in prayer, and that I have such good friends who helped me look for jobs to apply at!

In other news, a couple of my friends joined the Army Guard, and while I am happy for them (One of them did it to be able to afford a ring for his fiancé [now his wife], and to be able to provide for her), I am still going to miss them a lot(The other is a big part of my social circle). Vash* wrote on his blog about why he joined the service about how he is doing it for the people he loves, and he named off a list of people who he loves as his family and my name was on there, along with my two sisters. It sort of makes me feel special and want to cry at the same time. Vash is like my annoying twin brother (We are roughly the same age), we argue a lot more than we get along (Although, not recently), and sometimes- in those unexpected moments- we are nice to each other and work together. And the closer and closer it gets to his leaving the more I feel like I am going to be missing out on a friendship that has a major potential to grow stronger. It might sound silly, but I do want to become better friends with him. I think if we used all the energy we spend arguing and put it towards something we both enjoy the result could be huge! I think that is why we sponsor a child together- in one of those moments when we agreed on something we started something beautiful.

Bah, now I am just sounding sappy and cheesy. You know, this is how I started to like my Ex. He told me he was thinking of joining the service and I told him that I would miss him if he went. (He obviously didn't end up going, but the moral of the story is, that my romantacized brain should not be told that any of my male friends are going into the service.)

Well, happy thirtieth post everyone, I have got to get going!

~Kai Rennegade

*Once again names have been changed, due to my obsessive need for codes.

Open House

Well, it turns out all the freaking out I did was for nothing. Because everyone who could not go with me told me that I should be fine and have no trouble talking to new people (Because for some reason people seem to think that if I can be so at ease and open with my friends that I can do the same with random strangers), and because I am sure many people covered me in prayer, I was able to talk to people with surprising ease, and not feel completely alone! I even met two freshmen girls, one of which exchanged numbers with me =)

Then, since my dad was in the Carolina's most of the week, I got to spend the night with my mom. I know it sounds weird, But you have to understand- she is my mommy, and I am her baby. Her first to go to college. Plus, it is nice to do simple things with my mom that do not leave me frustrated or angry or wanting to kill small animals. No, I am just kidding, my mom doesn't make me want to kill small animals. Frustrated and angry maybe (Frustrated more so than angry, but frustration usually leads to anger).

On another note, today two of my guy friends (One of them being my Ex) came over and LAN'd with me. I think it was big of me to extend the hand of friendship to my Ex, since he has been avoiding me for the most part. I mean I can get that, I for one did not want to really look at him at first (I still try not to meet his eyes when I talk to him.... Or well okay usually my head is turned away and I'm doing something with my hands), but i am not going to go out of my way to avoid him. And it was not so awkward having him in my house with his brother (Oh yeah, that was the other guy friend who came over, my Ex's brother.), the only part that was sort of awkward- and then it was really only awkward for me- was when we all played League of Legends and my Ex and I had to lane together* because Mario** and her husband wanted to lane together, and Vash** wanted to take the middle lane (Which usually you just send one down). Anyways, we were lane-ing together and I- being the strategist that I am- said, "Ex***, why don't you hide in the bushes over there near the jungle side and I'll hide in the bushes in the lane so as to bait the other Champions and you can gank from your hiding spot!" (Trust me, this is a valid and solid strategy, it has worked countless times when I have played with Mario.) and he did for a little bit (2 seconds) and then moved to hide in the bushes that I was hiding in. To which I lost my cool (Something I seem to do a lot) and said, "Hey, wait, what are you doing? Isaid hide in the JUNGLE bushes, not the lane bushes, how are we supposed to gank****?!" to which I did not receive a reply and then got frustrated and left to lane with someone else. (Vash, I think).

After that we kicked the boys out and then went to see Scott Pilgrim VS the World, which was a very awesome movie that tickled my gamer side, as well as my comic-loving side! I think I might read the comic now =) Anyways, the movie got out really late because we caught the last showing of the day, so I am dead tired as I crank this out. So I am going to bed, I have my last puppet practice tomorrow (or I guess today). Happy Friday the Thirteenth everyone!

Thanks for reading!

~Kai Rennegade

*In League of Legends you have either two or three lanes (depending on how many players you have that game), which is essentially a pathway, and players lane by choosing one and fighting on it. When you lane together it is when you go with a teammate.

**As per usual, names have been changed.

***And I really do not call him "Ex", I did here for the sake of keeping his identity secret (Although most who read my blog will know who he is anyways... This was not well thought out.)

****Gank means to Gang-Kill. when you gang up on a player and kill them. Obviously.

Small Things, Big Fears

But, they are not small to me. Starting the twenty-third of this month I will be going to community college a few blocks away from my house- that is not even the thing that I am afraid of- and tomorrow is an open house that I will be attending. Alone. Every time I say that (or think it, or type it, etc.) I feel like I am going to cry. I cannot do this open house by myself!

For starters as to why I cannot possibly go to this open house by myself is because

A) I will get lost on campus.

B) I be emotionally/mentally alone.

C) I will be so busy with the above two/having a panic attack that I will forget to take notes and then my mom (Who was supposed to come with me but was scheduled for work) will be frustrated with me and I will be flustered and upset when she asks me what all they talked about.

I was not supposed to go alone. As I said, my mom was supposed to go with me, and then my dad was supposed to be the backup. But he left for the Carolina's on Monday, and my mom wrote down the wrong times for the open house and was scheduled to work. I asked my Mentor, but she's working her daycare and won't be able to come. I asked a couple different friends and they all are too busy with their own things. So I am going solo. Alone.

I understand busy schedules. I understand, I do! I am so scared though... I am going to be with a whole lot of people I do not know, in a place I do not know very well. And let me tell you, I am going to feel like the world's biggest loser- all the makeup in the world is not going to make me feel wonderfully made.

It is one thirty-nine AM, and I cannot sleep. I just keep thinking about tomorrow night. I know in a couple more hours I will have to get ready to go to bible study. But I do not think that I want to go in this state. I have not done any of the reading, so I will not be able to participate in any of the discussion, and I already feel like I do not have a lot to contribute in the first place. I always feel like I just open my mouth and make a fool of myself. And that is only going to work against me... But I need a hug. A mentor hug. A best friend hug.... I need a Jesus hug.

My eyes feel puffy, my head is pulsing, and my nose is going to explode. I do not like to cry in front of people. Because I get two reactions, and neither one I want or need. I either get, "Kai, stop crying, and tough up!" or "Are you okay, what's going on?" I just want a hug, and to be told that it is going to be alright, and that good triumphs over evil, and luckily I am on the good side. That may have nothing to do with why I am crying, but it makes me feel better.

I thought about pulling out my knife.

There I said it. I thought about it. Maybe I would not do anything serious, but I thought about it. Thank God my knife is in my bag out in the dining room and not anywhere near me. What is stopping me? I certainly do not know. Whatever it is through I think some part or me is relieved it is there and some part of me is very resentful that I have that restraint.

I am getting to tired, my mind is working against itself. I have to do something to keep my mind and hands busy or I am going to go berserk.

Pray for me, please, if you find the time.

~Kai Rennegade

My Weekend Equals Vegetation

So Friday was the official start of my weekend. I awoke sometime around noon to find that almost everyone was gone except for my sisters. Even my dog was gone. (I later found out that she had been throwing up and my parents had taken her to the vet.) After I ate brunch (Which I think was chocolate raspberry ice cream... I cannot remember.) I sat in my room on my computer for the most of the day playing League of Legends and surfing the internet. After dinner my parents and siblings made me go to a movie with them. We watched Charlie St. Cloud, which was a pretty predictable storyline, and in general I though I could have used my time to play more computer games.

Saturday, the rest of my family went to a company picnic in Iowa, which I refused to go to because last year's was more boring than folding a mountain of socks. So I stayed home with the sick dog, letting her out frequently to potty, giving her medication to her at the proper times, and making sure she did not throw up in my room. I also played more League of Legends, and The Legend Of Zelda: Wind Waker, and then later that evening I made dinner for my family as they returned home.

Sunday was my last day playing guitar at church as a regular band member (I am now a sub, in case someone calls in sick or something), and we rocked out! After church, my sisters and I went to a friend's house and played Dungeons and Dragons for two-three hours, then I played League of Legends with one of my friends and we totally ganked (Gang killed) all other teams! I was called to confirm babysitting plans that I had not made, and had to turn down the job. And I officially pissed off our children's director at church... So I will have to make amends with her soon. Then we all went to another friend's house for a surprise party, where my middle sister and I stayed while our youngest sibling went to a movie with a friend in town. We ended up getting home at about ten thirty.

So yes, all this weekend I pretty much veg'd in my room. And played League of Legends like an addict. But most of my weekend was great! Which is a far sight better than how they usually are! It was nice to not have plans and to not be needed anywhere. I just got to sit and exist! It feels like how summer really should be! And I am so glad I got to have that taste before school started up! (Which it will in a couple more weeks!) So anyways, I am off to play more LoL before bed, as always thanks for reading!

~Kai Rennegade

Mid-Week Update

Wow, I need to get more creative with my titles I think...

Anyways, So my week has been good thus far. The whole "wearing makeup everyday in August" is working out good, and it has given me motivation to get up with enough time to get ready and moving for the day instead of waking up five minutes before I have to leave somewhere and throwing some clothes on and rushing out the door. And, because I am not rubbing my eyes so much (For fear of having coon eyes), my eyelids and etc are less raw! Not from like crying or anything, I just like to rub my eyes.

This morning I did some more babysitting. We all sat in their downstairs watching Spongebob or iCarly, or Hannah Montana (One of those three...) and suddenly one of them asks me "Are you cold, Kai*" and I say, "Well, sort of..." and immediately she offers me a blanket saying it was the most snuggly. And she covered me up and pretty much tucked me in. I closed my eyes for juuuuuuust a second..... And I went to sleep. Next thing I know I am waking up to yelling coming from the game room as all three of the kids (And their friend who had stayed the night and was hanging out with us today) play Super Smash Brothers Brawl. I called to them to be respectful with their words to each other and that if they were going to talk trash I was going to shut the Wii off. I do not think they were listening. And then next I heard "JESUS CHRIST!" coming from the mouth of the eldest and without thinking I yelled (Very loudly and probably meaner than I should have), "I HOPE YOU'RE SAYING A PRAYER, MAX*!" to which I received the sassy reply: "I am!"

I heard it one more time before I got up and went into the room and told them that if I heard that come from his mouth again I would rip the Wii from the TV and throw it against the wall. (Well okay, I did not say that, but I was about to...)

That was most of the excitement for the day. I felt bad yelling at them for trash-talking though because when i play my online games I do the same thing- just not to anyone's face. I yell at my computer, and even cuss at it about how "everyone on my team is a cussing noob!", and "what the cuss was that?!" "Learn to play cusser!". It gets really nasty... And it brings me back to what we talked about on Sunday which was do not judge in Matthew 7:1-6. I should remove the log from my own eye before I even think of fixing the speck in my brother's eye. The difficulty here is that: Do they even know I have a log in my eye? Well no of course not, but does that give me the right to judge them? But I was placed in authority over them so I have to uphold the rules their parents put in place...

But I am trying to deal with the log in my eye, so it is not like I am not trying to stop my foul mouth and then telling these kids to stop. I'm trying to stop and help them from becoming like me and getting to the point where they swear like a sailor. So okay, I guess that works out...

Tomorrow I babysit again, I have to collect money for the babysitters at Bible study, and hand out extra books to the people who are apparently coming... I wonder if anyone volunteered to lead in my Mentor's stead (She's going to a conference, and she left today!)?

Tonight I had small-group (for 20-somethings, and high school graduates), and I do not know if anyone was going to warn me about this or not, but some fairly attractive guys go to this too. Including Zeke* who I have been sort-of-kind-of "crushing" on for a little while now.... My mentor razzes me about him a lot. I cannot help it if I notice that he is very nice, has good standards, and meets a whole lot of my criteria for a good spouse (And, as I discovered tonight, he is extremely good at Ping-Pong). But I know one of my friends likes him too. She does not know I like him. So, odds are I am going to stamp out any crushy-feelings I have for this boy so as to not get in the way.

I tend to do that. When I find out one of my friends likes a guy that I like to I will be the one to back down. Sometimes I feel like that is stupid of me... If they are my real friend then they will get over it if (HYPOTHETICALLY) I dated someone they had liked. I mean, I do it all the time, so why should not they for me sometimes?

Ehh, I do not know.

Hm, I have not had my quiet time in over a week. I have almost caught up on my bible study book though! Sad that I have to "catch up" but I really needed to go back and re-read the whole thing from the beginning instead of skipping the chapters I missed out on.

Anyways, I am going to play maybe one game of League of Legends and then call it a night. As always, thanks for reading!

~Kai Rennegade

*All names have been changed (Just because I am weird about putting people's actual names down...)

Day-Cation

Good news, I have been less depressed and more apathetic! Which I suppose can be seen as an improvement... sort of...

Well this whole last week I did some babysitting for a church family, and even on Saturday night too. Well Saturday was the day I got paid for all the days I babysat. And I about cried when I saw the check. Sometimes I feel like my time is worth more, especially when their kids (Although they can be sweet and fun) are draining my energy and making my depression/apathy worse.

Anyways, after I put the kids to bed Saturday night I went downstairs into the kitchen, sat at the table, and read my bible study book from chapter one (I skip the chapters I had not read and read the ones I am supposed to, but I had a feeling I just needed to start over), after each chapter there are questions to journal responses to. I read the first four chapters and did all the journaling questions. And now I know why I needed to read from the beginning. It had a very good answer to why I am always worried, anxious, and depressed....

Because I am not trusting God.

Like at all. Barely. Bare minimum if I had to give myself a little credit- which I do not.

And because I do not completely trust God I realized that is why I never think I am pretty or "wonderfully made". So I am trying this new thing where I am going to trust God (Easier said than done), even if I have to pray that He will help me trust Him every time I pray! Also, I have been trying out this whole, "I am a girl and wear makeup" thing... it's... interesting. And discouraging when I can rub my eye because something is in it... But I guess if I just keep slipping it into my morning routine I'll just get the hang of it.... I should do that with my quiet time too!

Anyways, in other news, today my family and I went to the Abraham Lincoln Museum for the day (After church, of course) for a Day-cation- A day in which we all do something as a family, but can't really be called a vacation because we're still in the state and we're still only a couple hours away from home. At the museum we saw both the shows they had there (The Union Theater playing Lincoln's Eyes, and Ghosts in the Library where they use holographs I believe!), went through the different exhibits and etc. then we went to the gift shop on our way out where my sisters and I goofed around in the kid section with bouncy balls and fake glass jewels (I called mine the sorcerer's stone!). Then we drove home and rented "The Spy Next-Door", which is a cute movie with Jackie Chan and Robbie Ray Cyrus in it! (Although personally I watched the movie for Chan more than I did Cyrus...)

Then I played The Legend of Zelda: the Wind Waker, and now I am going to bed because tomorrow and a few other days this week I will be babysitting for the same church family (This is me crying in despair -> QQ) Pray I keep my sanity as well as that I will trust God first and foremost!

Thanks for reading!

~Kai Rennegade