Depression

Well, the week after VBS (That would be just on Monday) my boss told me that she had to start cutting positions back and that mine was the only one that could be cut. So now I only work two days a week, Tuesday for 31/2 hours, and Thursday for 2 hours. That is about 80 dollars every paycheck. I get paid every two weeks.

Needless to say I am thoroughly depressed. Everything I do/say/look at reminds me of how helpless I am and how broke I will be if I do not get another job. Which is what i am working on now. Job hunting has always been discouraging for me because no one seems to want to hire me, and the jobs I have held before are only because I knew people who could get me an automatic "in" if you will.

I am so discouraged. And I am unmotivated to do well in my current job because my hours were just cut and I do not feel appreciated. I cried Monday, and I cried Tuesday, I wanted to cry all Wednesday, and I cried today. I sense that I am still not done crying over this, so I will probably cry some more about it for the rest of the week.

Although a friend of mine invited me to go on a road-trip this weekend. I do not know if I will go because my mother's garage sale is Saturday morning and I wanted to help her with that, and some other friends are supposed to stop by visit that day during the garage sale. But I need a weekend away where I do not have to worry about things like finances and job hunting and etc and where I can just hang out with my friends. I do not know what to do.

Tonight is my night to lead worship. But I handed the responsibility off to someone else because my heart is finding it hard to sing praises when it is hard to even smile sometimes. I know my situation could be worse, much worse really. But it is really hard to look on the bright side of things. I will continue praying that I can once again see the good and not just the dank. Please pray for me too!

~Kai Rennegade