Tough Times and Good Prospects

Well.... All last week was hard. Very hard. In order to get myself plugged back into The Word [of God] I signed up to do three different small groups on top of the one I was going to (So that equals a total of four small groups I go to a week) and they all happen pretty much in succession. SO on Monday nights I have Woman's Bible Study (We're doing Beth Moore's Breaking Free), Tuesday nights I have church small group (Life's Healing Choices from Saddle Back Church), Wednesday nights I go to a 20-somethings small group (Which sort of goes through the same things my church does, but not in the same way, which is why I started going to the Tuesday night small group), and finally on Thursday afternoons I have Campus Crusade for Christ's bible study (CRU). Well I started ALL of those extra bible studies last week, and I think it threw off my routine and so I was behind in a lot of homework all week and had to apologize to two professors about the lateness of my papers.

Thursday I went out with the guy from English class, and it was probably not the best idea I've ever had. We went to a local festival and throughout the night he used foot-in-the-door technique (That he was using this consciously or not I will have no idea) where he started out asking for something small, "Is it okay if I put my arm around you?" to which it didn't really matter if I said yes or not (And the only reason I said yes is because he was so very forward about it, which is completely opposite of my ex), and it progressed as the night went on ("Can I hold your hand?") until we got back to my house and we were outside the door and he said to me, "Is it too much to ask for a kiss before we go in?"

Woah. Let's stop and unpack this so that you will understand why I did what I did.

1. By the time he asked this I had been saying "yes" to his other requests, so according to Foot-in-the-Door technique (Commonly used by door to door salesmen) I was already in the mind frame of saying yes, which makes it less likely for me to say "no" unless I am consciously making an effort to say no.

2. Having had a stressful week, in which I was struggling to plug into God's Word, I was at a low point in my personal judgment (Meaning I wasn't doing so well at being able to even see that he was using FitD Technique!)

3. Lately I've been missing having someone to put their arm around me etc.

4. And lastly, the moment caught me in full force.

So, as you have probably already deduced, I let him kiss me. BIG MISTAKE. He's a smoker, so afterwards I tasted like an ashtray, and to top that off he was a really bad kisser. While that sounds petty, I assure you it really does matter. How would you like to feel like you were drowning every time you were kissed? (Yeah, it really was that bad)

Anyways, we went in and watched Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles during which I started feeling sick and had to go sit in the bathroom to calm down. (I think one of my body's defenses is to make myself sick when something freaks me out so that I have to leave or other people have to leave.)

During that time he paused the movie and asked my mom if he had permission to date me regularly. To which I hoped against all hope she would say "Hell to the NO!" but she said instead, "I suppose that is up to her."

So now it's my decision. and I wrote a "break-up" note of sorts to let him know that I can only be friends with me. It goes likes this:

TJ*-

I had a great time Thursday night! I regret to say, though, that I can't be in a serious dating relationship with you. I'm just not ready for a commitment like that right now, especially with school already kicking my butt.

Let's just be friends!

So I get to give that to him on Tuesday... I sort of just want to ignore him because he has anger issues and I don't want to get hurt... I don't know if he would hit a girl or not, but I am seriously praying on not. And I'm also praying he won't turn out to be a stalker...

Anyways. That's not even my whole weekend!

The rest of my weekend I worked! (Friday and Saturday that is) and then went to church on Sunday and my Birthday LAN** party.

So I have a high outlook for this next week. I know it's going to be awesome. Just one of those feelings I sometimes get! Anyways, I better get to my homework because I have some to do =)

See yous!

~Kai Rennegade

*Name changed

** LAN Party (L)ocal (A)rea (N)etwork Party