Breaking Free

So I'm doing this Women's Bible Study at my church Monday nights and so is my mom. It's called Breaking Free by Beth Moore, and so far it is really good! Well Monday night I was in the car with my mom who was driving the both of us home from bible study. And we got to talking (And by that I mean I got to crying and blubbering about how I'm getting better at saying 'no' and that I wish she would look at my positive performance instead of my negative performance, and my mom telling me things from her point of view, and me crying some more), and something my mom said just made me bawl (Harder than I had been). She said, "Kai, we used to be so close... I really miss that, I want to be close again."

I don't know why it suddenly seemed to become "me against her" in the last year. It really hurts me that it's become that way and I don't know how to fix it so much. I'm trying though.

Another thing. My mom said she was really worried about my health because I do so much to where I'm just running myself ragged. I had told her that the reason I run myself ragged is because if I don't then all that time I have I use to do nothing. So I run myself until I'm running on empty so that I am always doing something, always pushing my limits to almost their breaking point. To which my mom replied, "Well if you weren't alway updating your facebook status and started delegating you wouldn't have to run yourself into the ground. You're just trading one addiction for the other the way I see it. Procrastination for overworking."

So I quite facebook for a week. And texting. I turned my phone off for the night for the first time in a long time. This morning my phone was quiet. It was surreal and almost sort of peaceful.

And Peace is something I need.

I'm sort of frustrated with my other small group (my tuesday night group). For A) anytime I open my mouth to speak SOMETHING goes wrong. I either stutter, or feel like I'm going to pass out, or I forget what I was talking about halfway through and have to end lamely with "And I had a point to that but I don't remember it anymore" to which everyone laughs at me.

And for B) even though I was courageous enough to let one of the group leaders know that I would have liked to be split into groups of guys and girls we still did not split up because there were only two guys and three girls (Including myself). Ugh.

Anyways, that was just a quick update because I have a Film exam tomorrow and I havn't studied at all, so I'm going to bed in hopes that I'll at least be awake for it.... or have enough time to study during my lunch break where I don't wanna sleep...